31. Dark Night of the Soul

There are times that we seek God, that we desperately need connection to the Spirit, but we cannot.  We go to the texts we have been to, we participate in the exercises we have found to be meaningful, we pray the significant prayers of our life, but nothing.   We obtain nothing. 

If we have some experience, we will know that the Spirit is not under the control of our whims and desires.  We are not a king that commands the Spirit’s presence and he appears.  And so if the Spirit doesn’t appear, we are not concerned.  At first. 

But as our need grows deeper and the time goes longer and we have not received the gentle touch of his presence, the comforting voice, we might wonder if the Spirit has left us.  Perhaps the Divine has abandoned us, even when we needed him most.  Perhaps we think the reality of our experiences never happened.

This is a common experience of everyone who has pursued the divine.  It is known as the dark night of the soul, when the soul feels that she is abandoned by the Spirit.  But what can we do?

First, we must remember our times and experiences with the Spirit.  We need to write down what we have experienced with the Spirit, so we can recall the reality of the Divine.  There are times when we would have failed to survive without the intervention of the Divine—write that down.  There were times when we felt the reality of the Spirit so powerfully—write that down.  We need to remember this, not to re-experience them, but so we don’t forget.

Second, we need to not fret.  This is almost certainly temporary, and we will reconnect with the Spirit in the ways we have experienced him before.  Let us rest in this knowledge.  If the spiritual exercises are fruitless, take a break from them.  You will know when it is time to take them up again.  Perhaps use this as an opportunity to take up other exercises described in this blog.

Finally, be aware of the Spirit.  The Spirit hasn’t abandoned you, he is just there in a different way than you are used to.  Keep your eyes open.  Perhaps a conversation, a walk in the woods, a text will awaken you to the Spirit’s presence.   Don’t give up on the Spirit, for he hasn’t given up on you, no matter how you feel. 

30. Breathing

"He can be well loved, but he cannot be thought."
-Anonymous author of The Cloud of Unknowing

The word “spirit” in both Hebrew and Greek is related to the word for “wind” or “breath.”  Just as wind can gently blow over us or tear up roots, so the Spirit can be nudging or powerfully disruptive to our lives.  One of the ancient texts says that when life comes into humans, it is the “spirit” or “breath” that enters our body.  To be a human of air, of hidden substance, is to be spiritual.

We can take time to be attentive to the most basic of gifts we have from the Spirit: our breath.  Breathe deeply in.  Take your time.  Then breathe out.  Consider with every breath that it is the Divine entering into the deepest place in our body, living there, giving us this life, and then exiting.  We live this every moment—in fact, our moments are measured by breaths—but we rarely give this daily ritual our attention.

Take a few moments.  Daily, even, just considering your breath.  Pulling the divine within you and then allowing it to be released.

During this time thoughts, concerns, issues will arise in your mind.  When I experience these, I imagine each uncontrollable thought as a page in a large, ancient book in front of me.  I turn the page, and the next sheet is blank.  And I return to focus on my breathing.

On the center of my life. 

When we find ourselves heading out of control, when our lives are chaotic and disturbing, we can take a moment, close our eyes and breathe.  Turn the page on our concerns for a moment.  Obtain life from the Spirit.

29. Attentiveness

Let’s say that you gave your friend a gift.  Not just any gift, but something significant, something we had considered especially for them, something we think might even be significant for them.  We take some time to display it to them, wrapped, indicate that it is especially for them, chosen by us.  They unwrap it, glance at it, then set it aside and continue talking to us about their latest drama.

Wouldn’t we be frustrated? Wouldn’t we be tempted to be angry? We had gone to all our effort, but they didn’t care.

The Spirit has done the same thing.  He has given us today. All the events, all the scenery, all the food, all the people—they were especially established for us, this day.  It isn’t that the Spirit wants us to give thanks for every conversation, every bite of our breakfast, every moment of peace.  However, it might not be too much to ask for us to pay attention to what we are doing, to what we are saying, to what we are receiving.

This is another spiritual discipline.  To just focus on what we are doing.  To pay attention to our spouse when they speak to us.  To attentively listen to the music we are hearing.  To actually taste the food we are eating. 

We all multitask sometimes.  We have to.  We will be taking care of our kids while on the phone.  Someone will talk to us over our TV show.  Life happens.  But when we make multitasking our life… which is happening more frequently to us who live partly in cyberspace… we no longer experience anything.  Nothing is memorable, and the greatest events of our lives slip through our fingers, often without a memory.

It is a form of meditation to take certain events, certain moments and just pay attention to them.  Treat a moment in nature as a significant event, not to pass through quickly, but to remember.  Consider the smells, the sight, the feel.  Recognize that the Spirit is with you.  Appreciate his presence.